Like conversation hearts, Valentine’s Day gifts send a specific message, from “Just Friends” to “You’re Hot” to “Let’s Make It Legal.” So tread with care. If you send the wrong message on Valentine’s Day, you could spend the most romantic night of the year sharing Fido’s doghouse.

Before you buy, consider carefully the object of your affection—her personality, temperament, sense of humor. Ask yourself: Will she love or loathe a sheer negligee? Swoon or swear at a stuffed teddy bear? Enjoy that chilled bottle of Andre champagne (still a bargain at five bucks a pop), or discover you’re the biggest cheapskate since Scrooge?

Here are a few suggestions for Valentine’s Day giving—some sweet, some saucy. Choose correctly, and on February 14 you and your special someone will be making love, not war.

Sugar, Sugar

Nothing says lovin’ like chocolates, and this month, Americans will spend an estimated $1 billion on the sweet stuff (candy is the second most popular gift, after flowers).

For salacious variations on the heart-shaped box, visit It’Sugar (at the Pier at Caesars). Here you’ll find couples-only confections including (gasp) chocolate thongs and pasties, candy garters and G-strings, and a variety of chocolate bars from Bloomsberry & Co. (“3.5 ounces of impure thoughts”). There’s also a “Great Sex Weekend” kit, complete with a paintbrush and body frosting. Yum.

“It’s a risqué selection, and a bit controversial,” says store supervisor Holly Vanderski. But if you’re a prisoner of love, here’s the place to get those gummy handcuffs.

It’Sugar has make-your-own candy bars (you can spell out your sweetie’s name in M&Ms), and a fun section of vintage candy that should delight baby boomers (Nikl-Nips, Dots, Teaberry gum, Sky Bars).

The First Fruit

They say Eve tempted Adam with an apple, and the fruit has been synonymous ever since with enticement. At the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, you’ll find some of the most seductive gourmet apples east of Eden.

Owner Dave Fiene recommends the Apple Pie Apple, a fat Granny Smith dipped in white ribbon (a variety of chocolate), then rolled in brown sugar and cinnamon. The apples are so luscious, says Fiene, brides often use them as reception favors or centerpieces. The Cheesecake Apple is just as delectable, dipped in white ribbon and rolled in crushed graham crackers.

Rocky Mountain also features dried chocolate-dipped fruits—pear, pineapple—for the sensuous gourmand. And of course, fresh chocolate-dipped strawberries are always a nice (and very romantic) treat.

Love Is Blue

The Jersey Shore is justly renowned for its saltwater taffy and Boardwalk fudge. But travel less than an hour to the west, and you’ll find Jersey treats that surpass both for healthful goodness. The Blueberry Factory offers blueberry coffees, blueberry fudge, Batona (Back to Nature) blueberry trail mix, and for Valentine’s Day, exquisite chocolate-dipped fresh blueberry clusters.

“Bite in, and they just burst in your mouth,” promises owner Jim Austin, a former Atlantic City slot tech who opened the store last spring in the blueberry capital of the world—Hammonton, New Jersey. “Put chocolate and blueberries together, and you always have a big hit,” says Austin. “And it really says ‘New Jersey.’”

Your Best Bud

When it comes to Valentine’s Day flowers, one size does not fit all—far from it. Any woman past puberty has received at least several traditional (read: boring!) bouquets. You know the kind: 12 red roses, a spray of baby’s breath, a few ferns. It’s the kind of bouquet that says, “Honey, I didn’t put any thought into this whole Valentine’s Day thing.”

Do your lady a favor, and find out—through subterfuge, or by asking outright—what kind of flowers she truly loves. If it’s roses, amaze her with several dozen in spectacular colors: peach, yellow, crimson, pink. Or try something completely different: bunches of colorful asters or Gerbera daisies, pots of violets, sprays of lilies of the valley or stargazers, or orchids (no corsages, please, unless you’re giving to your granny).

Word of caution: Remember the Sex and the City episode where Carrie is dismayed by a gift of carnations? Take heed, men everywhere! Carnations are a no-no—on Valentine’s Day and any other day ending in y. They’re considered generic, cheap and uninteresting.

Silk flowers—also known as dust catchers—are also out.

AIN’T LOVE GRAND?

Weird and wacky facts about our most romantic holiday

• In 1537, Henry VIII declared Valentine’s Day a national holiday in England. The incurable romantic wooed and won six wives, and sent two to the executioner.

• In the Middle Ages, people pinned the name of their sweetheart to their sleeve on Valentine’s Day and kept it there for a week, thus “wearing their heart on their sleeve.”

• To prompt dreams of her future husband, a maid of the 17th century would eat a hard-boiled egg and pin five bay leaves to her pillow before going to sleep on Valentine's eve.

• Despite the Victorian era’s supposed stodginess, men and women of the period sent Valentine’s cards so racy, one Chicago post office refused to deliver them.

• Three percent of Americans send a Valentine’s Day card to their pet; 15 percent of American women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day.

• Teachers receive the most Valentine's Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then sweethearts. • Each Valentine’s Day, the Italian city of Verona, where Shakespeare’s lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet.

• Since its featured role in the movie Sleepless In Seattle, the 80th floor of the Empire State Building has become the site of many Valentine’s Day weddings.

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